a scene of the past.

i was rummaging thru my old things. didn't realise that my multiply still exists! i lost all my past photos, edited ones and un-! i went ballistic when i realised it. but oh well, moving on... even tho there were only 5 photos in the site, i still enjoyed it very much. lol, i could relate them to how life was back then... before things start to happen. lol. here's one:

my little baby (dayana, youngest niece).. she's all grown up :) .

this was 3-4 years ago. playful, i was and still. lame, still and definitely was. haha..

International Ball :)

Me & Cumby Girls :)

Ka Amal & I

Shiou Yii,

Ma date for the night :P

The international ball went awesome. I was just so relaxed during the course of it. However, there were times when my mood went a little down. The food is so damn good tho... That, as well as many other things! So I don't think I'll ever regret attending it. Thx Sasa for making me come. LOL, thx as well for being my hot date babe ;)

I have to say, it was such a sad day tho... more like an unfortunate day actually. I lost two valuable things that I am still depressed about until now :( . First, the necklace that I bought for $20 which was actually intended to be worn during the ball (but never had the chance to). I seriously felt like swearing my arse off but I know swearing puts me to nowhere.

Second, my most favourite small green-tea coloured water bottle.... that I bought in Brunei few weeks ago w/ my brothers, Bg Ham & Bg Man. I was so determined to find it at the StDavids with the help of this lovely Campus Watch . He had to find the keys to it first tho. Kesian lah, susah2. He was v helpful indeed and was willing to even contact his friends to look it through at the Lost and Found area. How kind of him :') ... I mean, it's just a bottle and to put him into so much trouble meant alot to me, especially since it's my Cynthia (the bottle). Haih, I am so clumsy... it's already silly enough to be naming it. Haha.

I just can't be any more remorseful about this. I lost, yet again, another bottle. I seriously thought I wouldn't ye know. I seriously trusted myself. But now I get it, whatever lah Jah... you'll never change. When will your clumsiness end? Seriously... it's taking everything away from me. My reputation.... My health, most importantly. Lol, I just feel bad about myself. It already caused enough accidents to myself. What a life. What a life.

July 2010 is to be remembered. The month I shall tag as the one filled with a lot of unfotunate events. Never mind :) one month does not account my whole life. Hahaa, come on Jah! Your life is, has and WILL be filled w/ happiness and success! OH YESH! SEMANGAAAATTTT !!!! Besides, you're only 19 for god's sake! So stop being a Drama Queen.

It is the last day of July! Make IT the last day of being an idiotic BUM, full of excuses.

Enough is enough. Enough trying to sleep in your whole day! Let's change our lifestyle and be more enthusiastic in everything! Forget every sadness and BE HAPPY, LIKE THE OLD SINCERED CHEERFUL FAEZAH ! STOP AVOIDING LIFE BY SLEEPING YOUR HEAD OFF !!! BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT WILL NOT HELP ANYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF. BESIDES, YOU HAVE STUDIES TO GO THRU SO COME ON! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, STOP PRETENDING ABOUT BEING HAPPY. it only makes you feel worst. Have you not realised? Idiot. Today's the last day. No more excuses! Let's change... and make August the best month of the year especially since puasa is approaching! WOOOHOOOO!

Love Life!
Love Everyone!

Everyone Indeed =) !

PS. Regarding the Int'l Ball, I'd also like to add in the fact that...... I may be growing some feelings towards someone :P:P .. hahaaa ahaa hahaa ahoo agaa haahaao *laughs uncontrollably* (the one that Lem finds, as i put it in her words, BIDA & HANTAP... kurang asam, kwn diucapnya bida, hantap.. sampai hatinya) what the hell am i saying like a teenage-school girl for. Pffft. Silly girl th banaa.

Coooool ^^ !

I can't wait for the night to end :D ! Something special arrives tomorrow... a parcel, more specifically. Something that I bought off TradeMe. I've never bought an item over $100. Honestly, this is the first (hopefully, the last fr the year)... so I knew this one will be worth it because there were no hesitations whatsoever when I decided to buy it. And till now, I'm very much satisfied having to trade with a great dealer. Too early to say that tho because the item will only arrive tmr morning. Geeeee, I'm egggciiiiteeeed :DDD ! hehehehehe...

HUBS Lab was reaaaalllllyyyy gooooood ^__^ !! I was truly fascinated by Allah's creation of the Heart. Who could have been more smarter to create such thing if not Him? Watching my supervisor (who sat next to me) dissecting the heart and pinpointing the structures, it made me think about life generally. The miraculous structures of heart is truly profounding and intelligent, the fact that they are all for a reason. How all these organs function as one really amuse me. Hence, the passion.

The supervisor was saying, "The ridges on the atrial walls are probably made to act as resistance towards the blood flow and hence, giving it the right speed to go thru the heart. But like some other structures, we can't really know for sure of their functions. After all, we did not construct these"

Then who Did, if not us? Who else, if not us, could be intelligent enough to construct each of the specific structures of the Heart and give them their functions in a logical manner? Or Who is it that could be so powerful to even create us, in that matter? Allah Did... Allah. Open our eyes and only then, can we believe.

Haha, yeah... i really enjoyed observing the dissection even tho the stench is unbelievable. =_= but i'm very much satisfied w/ my lab partner :D who's a filipino (w/ a chinese look) descendant but very much, a new zealander at heart.

Btw, this is something new to me... I'm in love with SG Wannabe... again T_T ... And this time, I'm interested in their song, La La La ... which is a really nice, country song. Very jovial, as well. It's actually 2 years old and to be fair, I've only gotten back my interest a month or so ago so yeah, i've been VERY outdated indeed.

Anyways, after listening to the song, I came across its MV (Music Video) and was so surprised to have seen it themed as horror. Have you actuallllllllyyyyyyy seeen an MV that is of a typical asian ghost story???? And a joyful song, for that matter?? Handal tah banaa urg korea ani. I wondered why they couldn't just make the MV into a movie instead :S .. Wierd ey. But I guess, it's not bad. The MV actually consisted of two songs, the other one being M to M's 엠투엠. I'm not sure of the title bt check it out!

Part 1

Part 2

I think I should start studying now. a test that comprises of 5% will take place in the next 2 weeks. I'm no no no no ready T_ T absolutely no no.

Must. stop. being.. a... blooody.... BUUUUMMM!!!!

Short one.

I'm seriously gonna miss PASTA. Like, seriously. I'm still, sort of, obsessing over it. Who can ever be more charming than our Mr. Lee Sun Gyun T___T *drools* . The impact he leaves is so great that his character is somewhat still in my mind! Seriously, I'm in love with his character more than anything and to be protayed by LSG is truly profounding. My new idol @__@ do not be surprised if anyone ever find his pictures pasted everywhere in my folder/notebook.

The drama itself is simple yet memorable. And it's such an easy-going drama... like nothing painful or heartaching. Even the conflict isn't so much yet they made it successfuly interesting towards the end! I never got bored w the storyline. It's basically a HAPPY drama ^__^ . I recommend it! I really really do. Besides, Alex (from Clazziquai) is in it. I'm sure i'm not the only one who drools over his soft soft soft voice ^0^ !!!

Obviously, I've been...a bum. "-___- . ah yea, sorry about the momentary deactivation. I felt a huge need to do so... until I realised, I shouldn't run away if I'm standing on my beliefs. Anyways, that is settled. And forever, settled. I guess I was never much of a romancer to begin w/. Maybe my life isn't meant to be shared with anyone special. Maybe I am born single and die as one. Hahaha, what am I blabbering about... My main point? I lost my faith in guys again. And maybe this time, it's a permanent thing. Therefore, I can see myself a spinster in some far future ;) . Yayee? Haha... also, one thing learnt: don't let the wind fool you (don't let the rumours win you over).

Blah, enough w/ the drama! I've been alone quite alot these days (seriously, didn't i just say enough with the drama?). I like to sleep more... daze over some korean dramas most of my time unless i'm actually watching them... I've been ignoring studies, which has been rather painful. And most importantly, I've been avoiding what my life is all about....

I can't think well. I haven't been thinking well, anyways. I am fine at one time... the next second, I don't know who or what I am anymore and what on earth I should be doing for the day. I am lost.. and that's when I start thinking about Allah.... O Allah, how many times have You accepted my repentance and yet still, I screw up after been given such bless by You, after You've already helped me in so so so so so many ways that I can never catch up with. O Allah, truly... I've never heard of any love stories much more logical... and better... and romantic.. than Yours. I'm falling for You more, day by day and I wish for its consistency. Pray, do forgive me ya Allah... for I wish to be a better person. Never leave me astray, I pray to You.

Condemned.

Accusations, followed by insults.. I have had it.

I've offically deactivate my facebook =) .. there is no longer a Faezah Amin in the community of the Facebook World. Relief? I can't say, I'm more hurt than anything now.

Vanity.

Bloody FB isn't working well. Can't seem to upload pics from the Cultural Night. Oh well, next time maybe. If i'm bothered ;) ... Anyways, just like my current FB status is saying... "Dear God, I can't seem to stop comitting the same sin these days: I just can't stop taking pics of myself! I might as well be suffering from vanity. Oh no no no~!"

Hahaha, and I really am for real. My phone's been a great emplyee for all this. Never have i regret hiring it :P . Take a look at all of these:

Are you Readyyyyyyy??? Mwahaha!

Haha.. should i continue? or are you already suffering :P

Emo.. my god. what? i hear you say 'more!' ! OKAY! :P

I know right! So pretty right! ("-____-)

Oh yesh yesh! That's me!

What, you wish for more?

*intermission* .. that's the surau of UO... it's right undearneath the music building. :)

back to me me ME! :P

And another one....

And another one... *yawn* just bear with it yea?

And another... one...

And oooh? what's this? Darn, wrong photo. I look drunk. Lem apatah lagi (astaghfirullah Lem). Limah damit squashed between two drunkards :P .. Hahaha nah, it was just the shocking flash of my camera phone. Useful indeed, can actually hurt people you know ;/ !

Lol, ahhhh.. that was fun. I'm rediscovering my self-confidence and younger days of being vain w/ my friends. I miss those days very much... I was named as vanity something then. can't remember much... but it was fun being stupid infront of cameras and yea, i truly believe that you can indeed gain confidence frm it :) . *sigh, how time has past and now, even getting my pics posted up embarass me. i guess i've grown... hope i could revisit those moments more nvertheless. wth, why am i being old, reminsicing and all.. as if life is gonna end so. Mind youuuuu, i'm still 19, OKAY! PFFFT!

Shall I just be anti-social then?

God knows what I've been doing with my studies these days. At least the culture night is over. Although everyone screwed up at one point due to the incorrect music queue, I still felt good after performing for the sake of Brunei :) . It ain't easy going up the stage, knowing that others' performances were better yknow but regardless to say, we still did! and very enthusiastic as well as patriotic at that too! :D Thanks to Siah for being a great director and everyone's hardwork. Lol.

My moods have been down lately that it sort of degrades my listening skills... ie. i am being a bad listener nowadays. Thus, most of the time... I just prefer to be alone and be in my own world. I don't like being one of those emo showoff-ers. I just HATE being sympathised especially when people are just trying to desperately get attention from it. I just think that way, it's bloody annoying. Hence, if you see me letting out emotions, it really is not from the intention of wanting some sympathy (like those who does so w/ their facebook..). It'd all be about getting support and advices from y'all.

Yay-yeeeee!!! I finally reoriented the furnitures in my bedroom :DD ! And I'm very much comfortable with the whole thing. Very spacey indeed :) . Then Lem & I planned to try out the Bubble Tea at fiveOnine but turns out, they are one of those businesses that do not run on Sunday. Sad... since we were desperately craving fr a drink like it... we ended up going to Starbux. I had my second round of Green Tea (first time, yesterday) and god knows, I fell in love :) . We planned to study then at the library... turned out it was more like hanging out + a lil bit of studying at the Starbux. Pfft, so much for all the heavy books I was carrying ;( !

Anyways, I just bailed out from the middle of the Formal Dinner event at the dining hall. Couldn't stand the crowd, really. I just want to be alone. Gah, what is WRONG with me! Anti-social(ite) alert! But anyways, it would only be the dessert i am missing and since it's got whisky cream on top of it (cheese cake), that just somewhat puts me to a disgust. We've been given special offer of having fruit salad instead of it tho... still, mood no good + food no good = go skive it!

Me & Mr. Salmon Sedap!

The Hogus (or whatever)

The Capping Sextet! Lots of Love!>

For the appetiser (I suppose), we had something that sounded like Hogus? It's basically the stomach of a sheep that had been spiced up by letting the sheep eat all the stuff they wanna get mixed with it. It was interesting, especially the need to have a Hogus Ceremony prior to having it (w/ Bag pipes and listening to a scottish man story-telling us of the History to Hogus). In the end, I didn't even dare trying it :P .

Anywho, they had some acapella group, The Capping Sextet, performing for us after the rather scrumptious Salmon dinner! And damn, they were really good!!!!! The singing notes were all in tune and the words (however x-rated they are) are funny. The clown costumes they wore just said it all. It must have been my first time watching Acapella live now that I realised it. Saying that, I was very much amazed! :D

Sorry to readers that I'm nt very much entertaining anymore. This blog, as I shall remind everyone once again, is not for the sake of entertaining audiences. I don't really care if there's any, really. Its purpose is more for me ie. getting rid of these words that have been only trapped in my head. i'd just like to record down my days... and for those who are interested, I'm giving them the authority to check it out and for those who aren't... like i bloody care ;)

I love being alone now :) . I guess that's good ey? Atleast I don't have to depend on people's company anymore. Might as well just be anti-social.. woohoo! Oh god, I just farted and it stinks. Seriously, it must be the Salmon. I'm indulging the smell tho. Hmm? Haha.

Love Life,

Love Everyone.

Lovers in Paris.

My left fingers are swollen from playing too much guitar. Was falling in love with it for a moment there. Lina was teaching me some chords of the Pills :D ... and after much practice, I am on my way there of playing it well!! But I should stop, seriously. my wrist aches and these swollen fingers just won't do, especially with typing all this! and yes, i'm talking about my left hand. apparently, its progress isn't much so far and my appointment will only be in Oct but no worries , it will be fine :D !! Amin. I just pray that by then, i will not be disturbed by any pain.... anymore. Amin Amin!

Ah yes, I was so close to be getting into NZ's tv !! So close !! nanti th crita.. malas i tulis.

And What have I been up to? Kdramas T____T ... my latest one has been Lovers in Paris. Few minutes ago tho, I decided to say goodbye to the drama. Oh, don't take it the wrong way! The kdrama is so damn gooood okay. In fact, twas quite a big hit back in 2004, even won an asian award! that doesn't happen to many dramas, yeknw! In my opinion, some of the old ones just much much better than the current ones. But then again, It all depends on personal taste.

LIP is one of my all time fav but I stopped it all because I got annoyed by the uncle after remembering what's he going to do in the subsequent scenes. He's a bloody turn-off really, being all irresponsible to his kid and eating well when he's letting the heroin to take in charge of his friking debts. seriously, pfffffffffft! So yea, I didn't want to undergo all those dramatic moment even tho his scenes were not much. And yea, most dramas would actually have some scenes worst. I still love the drama anyway just not those particular scenes =) ... watch it!

For now, i might just go for PASTA (2010)... hope it'll be entertaining. what got me was actually our Clazziquai singer, Alex, who acted in this drama as one of the lead actors. Cooool ey! I bought the DVD in Brunei, last week. In fact, I brought 4 dramas from Brunei! including City Hall, Fashion 70s and You're Beautiful, a present from my dear Kaka. All of which I will watch, insyaAllah :P .. I've completed disc 1 of YB... but I'm gonna resume that after PASTA. YB is def worth the watch, i'd give it to the comedy! :D talk about that next time.

So yea, I'm gonna zoom now.

Love Life,

Love Everyone!

Too much blabbering.

cold weathers remind me greatly of Iran. Even though I can't really visualise how the sceneries were like there, I can still remember the feeling of a morning winter, the loneliness and the little innocent life I led with my parents and sometimes, my siblings.

Speaking of family, I really do miss them. Being with friends is definitely not the same especially if you're a family-oriented kind. I can only pray to Allah that they're all fine... especially my two parents. My parents are the two people whom I respect the most. I have been contemplating on what my Ustazah back in high school were saying... and relating it to my whole view of parenting in the way of Islam.

My parents may not be perfect but they're, by far, the best parents I can ever wish for. Everyone should be thankful for the parents who have brought them up. Think about it, they're just like anyone of us and yet the care they share for us, the love they share for us... however hidden they may be, however rare they show it to us, is beyond our knowledge. Only Allah knows. And that makes them even more special and kind as a human being... especially a mother. I've known, by stories, of those kids who have been abused and mis-treated by their parents and I thank Allah that my parents are unlike them, in fact they are far from being those kinds.

Saying all this, I just don't get why people are still giving their parents a hard time when they should instead cherish them and think of the effort that they had put up in bringing us as a child. A commotion or a family dispute is nothing compared to the hardship of a mother... as well as that of a father. Their hardship is not something that we should redeem ourselves to unwillingly... It's just something we should understand.. and appreciate. Being appreciative, I therefore feel obligated to show my love sincerely as a daughter to both my parents and take care of them as they have taken care of me. Giving them headaches would be the last thing I dream of...

Only Allah knows. Although I wasn't so much of an ideal Islamiyat student (in fact, I wasn't one at all!), I still love listening advices from teachers and therefore, people. Hopefully, I can slowly learn more of how to improve as a person. Any suggestions?

I've decided to go for a new image of myself. i feel that it's more comfortable and well, me....-ish, if that makes any sense. i hope that it can bring out a better me, in a way. hope it's not too wierd. it's funny actually... i've been told by few that wearing this kind of tudong would actually suit me better... but I never actually considered their words until yesterday, when I had no black tudong for the practise and opted for Lina's black scarf. Obviously, I fell in love with the style (love would be a great exaggeration though) and decided thence to try wearing scarves.

Today was my first time wearing it to school and it felt mighty comfortable but ofcourse, being a rookie, there had been confidence problems and some minor, very minor, tudong problems. haha. but i'm gonna have to see how it goes on. Yes yes, poor image quality... sorry, this was just taken few minutes ago. and no, my camera phone does not suck! (denial)

Anyways, studies for the day is done... both officially and un! for the rest of the night, it would be me, movies and bed.... and maybe some food. I was thinking about taking my time re-editing the layout of this blog but as you know me, that never happens ;) . hahaha.. maybe, one day. Funny, this morning I actually woke up early for sahur and had some cereals, ones that i've brought from Brunei (koko krunch and honey stars!!!). I thought I was really going to fast until around the mid-day when my stomach ached. I decided to break it by having lunch. Haha, what a waste... but no worries, I have only 4 days left to redeem... maybe tomorrow.

Love Life,

Love Everyone!

Studies.

Back in Dunedin. It's been a week actually.

I'm still not in the mood to study. Ever since I arrived here, I have already felt that the time is moving so much quicker than I am. I don't understand why. I do know that the day is indeed literally shorter here (compared to Brunei) but that still doesn't explain why I am being slow at things, like going to lectures and walking at a slower, more relaxing pace than ever. When I look around, things just somewhat fast forward. Can it be any slower? It's already a week and I'm still unprepared to get into the studious self. The desk is quite a mess, the books are hardly touched, the movies are more focused and I just wake up later than usual. I guess I haven't gotten used to the time zone yet.

I should start cracking up with study plans etc. I don't want to be dissapointed in myself again! Make no regrets, Jah! Lol, as u can see... blogging inspires me in a way, it just straightens my mind out abit. I'll write more if I need it.

Love Life,
Love Everyone.

heavy..

Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Syukur Alhamdulillah. At this minute, I'm very thankful to Allah of the many blessings and love He has given us. I'm very much aware how many people tend to take advantage of these blessings. It's rather dissapointing. Have faith in Allah and He shall give you His love that no one can ever give you.

Anyways, i'm in Brunei due to emergency calls. I've been in the hospital almost 24 hours but i'm definitely not complaining. The heat is excruciating but I thank the wards for being at such low temperature. I slept over at one of the wards last night and it isn't as scary as I thought it would be :P .. especially since I was sleeping next to mama. This morning, the doctors did their rounds with interns following them. I got excited just by watching the crowd and listening to a portion of their discussion. I thank Allah, once again, for letting me get the grades i needed in semester 1 to get into 2nd Year Medicine.

My physics was suffering 3 marks away from getting a C . What a close call!! Alhamdulillah. That should be the last semester to be complacent with myself. It's real, this time. I must must MUST stop slacking around. InsyaAllah, I shall give in greater effort this time. I really don't want to regret being lazy again.

Dr W just sent a "well done" message. Kinda lifts us the spirit within me :) .

Love Life,

Love Everyone.

unexpected.

1st July 2010

I'm glad today turned out the way it had. Alhamdulillah. it's 9:41pm and I'm already feeling sleepy, mainly due to the journey towards North Otago. that was nice breathtaking trip :)

this morning my friends and i planned to have a look-see through the flats since it was heard that the flat list would be out today and since that didn't happen, we just went to the museum. it was a rather spontaneous decision and i am glad we made it. i got to learn, touch, play and see a lot of things! most amazingly, i got to take a lot of pictures :DD . for example, i got to realise the fact that i really HATE animals, apa lagi insects! hahahaha... what a nasty statement but being frank is all my intention.

this was discovered when we visited the tropical rainforest. i couldn't stop screaming at the butterflies swarming about over my heads. my friends were all coooool especially Mah, who was having the best time of her life going all "aiii cutee cutee cutee". that reminds me, yum would have enjoyed the place very much :) . the visit there was worth it! it touched my feelings when i entered it... for they have made the environment an exact replica to that of bruneian one (it amused how they set this up, even the sunshine, inside a building in a winter season). the heat, the moisture, the annoying insects, the trees.... it was all too familiar that i could have cried just being there if it weren't for the bloody butterflies and the fact that turtles and other creatures were also around. blegh! okay, they're nice to see.. i admit... but it just gets over the line once they land on your head and body. imagine.

i can't be bothered to describe more of the museum trip. i've only finished touring through its first level. next shall be the second level :) . it's nice to have a museum 5 minutes (less) away from home :) . we went home then to have our lunch which was relatively special! pizzaaaass!they were good. as soon as we were done, we terus jalan for the "mysterious trip". we signed up for it few days ago and the only people who joined it were asians (7 of us bruneians and 2 malaysian) and this orang puteh (whom i haven't been introduced to). so it was reallllyyyyyyyyyyyy fuuuuuuuuuun since it felt like it was just us gang :) .. and what a waste how lina & peah din join it. pfffft. losers tah banar ;P

the trip, overall, was breath-taking. i realised not only dramas can bring me over the clouds but even such sceneries, all natural, god-given... can take me away in a moment. ofcourse, i can't really take this option since drama is more approachable, so i'm gonna stick w/ dramas :P

okay, first there were thousands of sheeps! it was just like the first time we entered Dunedin when we saw sheeps literally conquering the fields surrounding the roadways. and they're soooooooooooooooooooooo cuteeee! i just can't describe the degree of it but seriously, if you see them trying to move with their chubbyyyy legs, YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH to have seen it. and they do nothing... all they do all day is just eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and poop.. yawn.. and sleep.

something happened, mum just called.... and brunei, i'm off to. see you all.