Who am I?

The question has been hitting me for the past 2-3 months. Being around my friends 24 hours just makes me lose my identity at times. There is just so much underneath that I can't seem to exert or if I had done so, I did it in a very idiotic manner. Who am I? I wanna know myself.

Few days ago, Jack was telling me how along the path of our lives, there will be a time when we decide who we want to be and actually become that person in the end. For the past few weeks, his words had actually mirrored my thoughts. Currently, I don't think I am very much of a good person. Especially of the fact that my manners contradict my image. I want to be a humble, polite person who respects everyone and be respected in return. I want to have and improve myself of the right behaviour of a tudung girl as well as of faith in Islam and be seen like one.

I am working on it....

An example of how idiotic I can be is when I squeal from a pain that is of little and does not even reach a mild level. Since when do I do that? I hardly tell what bothers me unless it means so very little to me.

Like this: Truth is, I suffer every night and I don't think I ever squeal or even complain of that matter. My left hand, as everyone knows, is not functioning at its best. I have never told anyone this but every night, the pain comes and I would lay in my bed, waiting for it to leave as I try correcting its position. Most of the time, it leaves due to the fact that I have fallen asleep. The pain is bearable, atleast. However, there are a lot of times when I cannot stand it no matter how much I have adjusted to it. Ofcourse, being so far away from my family, complaining would not do as it would be terribly useless and would only enhance the panic within myself. I need to be strong about the pain and think of it as being normal..... however difficult that would be.

So this is something I keep to myself and it would be nice if no one talk to me about it. :)

Love life. Love everyone.